Without Yuu
by DistantVampire
Summary: Allen remembers the mission where everything went wrong when attending one of his friend's funerals. He blames himself for their death. But will he be able to let it go? Oneshot. Implied Yullen.


**HIYA! thanx for choosing to read this. Truth is I never thought i would be writing this. I wrote this because i ended up in a competition that Cross put up. I never thought to get a oneshot like this. It is much darker than i originally thought of but i do llike it. i hope u do as well.**

**AND CROSS. thanx for getting me to write this. ^/^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own -man. if i did it would probably be rated M ^/^**_  
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><p><em>~~"Stupid Moyashi"~~<em>

He held back a cry as he quietly sat in the last pew. The young albino had traded in his uniform for a more dark attire, with his eyes cast down as the other come in and take their seats towards the front. He inwardly cursed at the white flowers as they seemed to be a mocking color, unbefitting of this day.

' "C'mon Yuu, lighten up," Lavi patted his back and quickly retreated after taking notice of a ready mugen. Lenalee laughed as Kanda repeatedly tried to slaughter the redhead, each time just barely missing, which earned a smile from Allen. He and Lenalee watched from the bench as their antics dragged on.

Kanda gave up, giving a frustrated sigh as he leaned against the wall near Lenalee. Allen couldn't help but look over at the man, as he noticed he was doing more often. His thoughts wandered as he watched the dark haired man glare Lavi, who was grinning like an idiot. He quickly adverted his gaze when Kanda glanced over at him.

The next thing Allen knew he was being pulled to a train.'

Allen's throat burned as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He watched wordlessly the people in the front. Lenalee, his sister in many ways, sobbing uncontrollably into the redhead's shoulder. His arms around her, trying to calm the shaking girl. The door opened with small creek flooding the hall with the sound of footsteps. Allen looked back down at his hands.

' "Allen?" his head snapped up towards his name. Lenalee smiled softly at him, "are you alright? You look a bit down."

Allen plastered on his usual smile. " Yes, I was just thinking. Sorry to worry you, Lenalee." 

_I feel sick._

He looked over at the guys across from them, both giving Allen sour looks. Lavi, from the fact that Lenalee always wanted to sit with Allen. That made him beyond furious, let he did well to not show it. Even though most already knew it.

Allen was baffled as to why Kanda was glaring at him with such did he do now? 

_Don't look at me like that._

He looked at the dark-haired man as his glare deepened. Then, with a small sigh, Kanda turned his gaze out to the passing scenery until the train halted to a stop. Lavi stood up and offered his hand out to Lenalee with a soft smile. Her face was dusted with pink as she picked herself up out of the seat and straight out the door. The redhead's face melting to one of sadness and rue. Allen smiled gently at him, " Don't worry, she will come around." Lavi's gaze still rested on the doorway. " Allen, don't get people's hopes up."

Allen and Kanda made there way out of the train, dragging a reluctant rabbit behind them.'

General Tidol approached the casket slowly, his glasses fogging up. Allen glanced up at the man only to see his shoulders shake with each slow breath. Tidol had been like a father to him, though he would never admit it. Everyone in the front watched as Komui made his way to the podium, to start the ceremony. Allen glared at the supervisor, he was still in his white uniform. It disgusted him, white outfit, white flowers at his friend's farewell.

' Lavi flopped down on the couch, " it's a nice place they got us this time." Lenalee laughed as Kanda threw him off the couch and took a seat.

Allen took the chance of looking about the place. It was quite nice, there was a main room with a fireplace, a couch perched in front of it and some chairs. There were three rooms branched off of the main, a bathroom and two bedrooms.

Allen paused, spying a note resting on the lamp across the room. He made his way to the note and picked it up too read. His face lost color as he read further. Lenalee was the first to ask, " what does it say?" Everyone was now watching as the albino read it aloud.

Thank you members of the black order,

We hope you enjoy your stay here.

We have done what is asked of us and given assigned rooms.

Allen could barely continue as Lenalee let out a quiet 'oh brother!' He continued on:

The arrangements are as such:

Mrs. Lee and Mr. Bookman

Mr. Kanda and Mr. Walker

Lavi burst out laughing, "Yuu-chan and Allen are sharing a room!" Allen could feel his face heat up. In anger? He didn't know, none the less he made his way into one of the room and shut the door. The laughter stopped soon after and silence took its place. Allen shifted uncomfortably in the small room. He noted a small conversation in the other room, most likely Lavi and Lenalee, then a small shuffle of feet and it ended in silence….again. He sat with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest. His mind replaying that look, that look that made his insides churn.

Allen dropped his face into his folded arms. _Don't-_

Kanda slipped in to the room, without notice from the teen, and took up a spot near him. The white haired boy seemed barely awake making Kanda smile slightly, "hey" Allen jumped slightly, "h-hi." Kanda's normal scowl returned as their eyes met, "Don't fall asleep on the floor. It will make it harder for u to fight and I don't need you slowing me down more than u already do." Allen glared back, " Like you care." Kanda pulled on his own glare and mumbled under his breath as he made his way to the dresser.

The dark haired man took off his jacket and set it on top of the dresser. Kanda noticed Allen watching him, "Lenalee and that idiot went to go eat, they said to come down whenever," He stated breaking the quiet of the room. "I'm fine here," Allen muttered into his sleeves. Kanda froze, facing away from the younger man. For once he was puzzled and angry BECAUSE Allen wasn't his smiling self.

"If your going to be al emotional go pms else where."

Allen's anger rose, " what do u mean 'go elsewhere'? I was here first." " you heard me. If your going to be like this go away." Kanda turned his glare towards him as Allen stood, returning the glare. "Would you rather have me all happy and-"

The white haired teen's eyes widened, unable to speak. Backed up against the wall, pinned, his mouth suddenly occupied by the other's. Allen found himself moving into the other, letting his warmth closer.

Kanda pulled back, " Yes. I do." The older man looked down at him, a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. Allen felt his body let out a small shiver, before he could say any kind of retort Kanda had taken his lips yet again. This time Allen closed his eyes and melted into in fully.'

"- was a good and dear friend. Let us have a moment of silence in his memory." Komui bowed his head and everyone followed. Allen was watching the front, wishing for air. His breathing shallow and short. The teen grabbed at his chest, trying to relieve the throbbing pain in his chest. His heart was going to stop, he knew it….and wanted it. His head was spinning as he tried to regain control.

'Allen was still under the warmth of the comforter, watching Kanda as he went about like he normally did. How can he act like this? Like nothing has happened? Kanda threw a glance at the teen. Allen tried not to move, still sore. "Does it hurt?" The dark haired man let a slightly concerned look take his features. Allen sat up and smiled, feeling his face heat up, "not as much as I thought it would." Kanda smiled back and threw clothes at him.

" breakfast is in fifteen. Get yourself ready."

Allen caught his clothes; and his smile. He quickly put on his clothes wincing every now and then. The teen moved up behind Kanda and took his hand, "Alright. You ready to go?"

"…yeah."

Allen pulled him out of the room and into the living room. Lenalee was sitting in a chair opposite of the door reading, what looked like, a file from the order. She looked up from it in awe as the white haired boy lead Kanda to the couch. They sat, rather close, And Allen wove his fingers into Kanda's. Lenalee was a bit baffled at their personality changes.

Just as she had built up enough courage to ask what happened Lavi burst though the front door. "We have to go," he stated, rushing to grab his jacket and hammer. Allen's expression was sad, "Already? Why?" Lavi paused, a bit confused at his friend. He had never really had that look or ever asked why. He just usually went with him. "there has been a report in a town over of a supposed innocence sighting."

Kanda dropped Allen's hand and made for the door with his jacket and mugen in hand. Lavi watched unable to process what was happening. Allen sighed heavily, picked himself up off the couch and left without a word.'

Music played softly, as if trying to heal people's wounds. Everyone listening , quietly. The crying had stopped, all sound but the music ceased. For a moment it seemed as if even all breathing had stopped as well. To Allen the music did nothing but make him hurt more. Everything was wrong. He should be the one up there.

' Allen's shoulder throbbed in pain as he willed it to move. The deep gash bleeding heavily as he went after the level five, dodging and weaving his way through the rubble of the building. Before he notices, the akuma charges him from the left, guns ready. The stone wall behind him cracking under the pressure of its fist against his ribs, sending an immense pain through his body.

The shrill sound of the akuma's cackle pierced Allen's ears. "Are you done already? Do you not want to play with me anymore?" Its voice was mocking and empty as it raised its fist for the final blow.

_This is how it ends?_

Allen felt a blow to his chest, yet it wasn't a hard one as expected. He opened his eyes and panic overtook him, his eyes spilled over with tears. "Stupid Moyashi," was all Kanda managed to say. Blood spilled down from between the man's lips as he looked down at the albino. "…Kanda…"

The akuma's fist had made its way through his chest, leaving a gaping hole behind. Allen screamed as Kanda's body fell in front of him. A scream of pain. The akuma held the ruby heart in the air, watching the sun glisten off the dripping crystalline liquid. "So beautiful is this color. Don't you think….. Exorcist?" '

"I-it's my fault!" Allen cried, gripping the edge of the coffin. The room was dark and devoid of life. He stared at the intricate carvings on the lid of the coffin. Everyone had put something on there, for their good times and friendship. He ran his hand over his engraving. Lenalee had found out about them, but it was alright. She said that he should put a white flower on there. For them.

He stared at the ribbon tied about it and the heart by its side. Kanda would have killed him for putting that there. Again the incident flashed through his brain, wrecking the small bit of emotional stability. "..Why? Why did you-?", the teen's voice cracking with every other word, "how do I continue now?" Allen's legs gave out from under him. "There was only one thing I lived for! Before you I-!"

Allen forced himself to stand. He leaned over the coffin, kissed the top of it lightly. The teen whispered something softly and made his way out the door, pistol clenched in his hand.

"AAALLLLLLEEENNN!"

_See you soon._

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><p><strong>AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW! ALLEN! D'X<br>I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT! *crying uncontrolablly* WHY ALLEN? WHY?**

**...OK. so i hope u like it and that u dont hate me for thhis story. like i said i wrote this because cross pushed me to it (in a way)**

**so again thank u cross.**

**and thank you for reading. Please review. I would very much like to hear what u thought.**

**THANX! ;)**

**~DV  
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